Essays editing exercises

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Although this sentence has a contrast transition , the criteria for contrasting are not the same. The criteria used for Aaron are height (tall) and strength (strong). We would expect similar criteria to be used for Bruce (maybe he is short and weak), but instead we have new criteria, namely appearance (handsome) and intelligence (intelligent). This is a common mistake for students when writing this type of paragraph or essay. Compare the following, which has much clearer criteria (contrast structure words shown in bold).

After two years, I applied to Saint Joseph’s University. I had all intentions of becoming a undergraduate student that lived on campus and got involved in every way possible. When I was not approved for private loans without a cosigner, that dream quickly fizzled out. I made the decision to drive the 15-miles to campus each day. While I wanted to quit my job and put everything I had into my education, that just wouldn’t be a possibility. I could not and would not in good conscious leave my mom with a $ tuition bill each month. I continued to work 20-30 hours each week to help lessen my mother’s financial burden.

Essays editing exercises

essays editing exercises

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